Me: MSM for political dark-arts role play. Likes tall tales, exaggerations, gingers with jug-handle ears and many broad ties to nestle under their blue blazers.

You: Living California, but feeling Philadelphia, Mississippi. Sex-scandal-obsessed award-winning journalist (no bloggers!) who breaks all the rules. Romance of the itinerant storyteller who relies on the largesse of others! You crack homophobic jokes, but you know what you really like behind closed doors. I mean, besides photos of philandering senators' convalescing wives.

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Likes: old white men, radio hosts, radio hosts who are white men, cashier's checks, Ray Bans and Jos. A. Bank menswear. Hates: smoking, sharia, killing babies, socialism, socialist sharia baby killers who smoke. Fears: black people. Name: rhymes with suck.

Call me.